Opening up about mental health: why it’s a struggle for men

October 10, 2011 — Thanksgiving Day.

I can remember that day as clearly as if it were yesterday.

I was at my parent’s house in a bedroom in the basement. My entire family had just finished a huge meal, full of conversation and laughter that should be serving as treasured memories for years.  

Instead, the only thing I felt was loneliness, pain and sadness. It made no sense; I was surrounded by people who cared deeply about me. The emotions enveloped me, smiling was hard, and laughter was out of the question. All I could do was pretend things were okay.  

After everyone left, I stood in front of a mirror in that bedroom and burst into tears.  

I wish I could say it was the first time, but this had been escalating since early in the year. In the beginning, I would come home from work and break down once a week. Then it was twice a week, then three times and by the time October rolled around, it was four times a week. I thought it was because of a break-up that had occurred at the beginning of the year. I filled myself with shame, not realizing there was a lot more going on within me. Thoughts of ending my life had crossed my mind, the pain was too much. It was at this moment I finally admitted I needed to talk to someone, and I needed to ASAP.  

I walked upstairs, broke down again in front of my Mom, and told her everything.

It took me ten months to open up because I thought, as a guy, I was weak for not being okay.

Within a week, I was in a counsellor’s office, starting my journey to improving my mental health.

Men don’t talk about this

We have seen the stigma around mental health significantly reduced in recent years as advocacy groups and people worldwide work to raise awareness about the importance of mental health. 

However, people are still reluctant to talk openly about suicide and thoughts of taking their own life — especially men.   

Why? Because it’s hard.

The Canadian Mental Health Association says of the approximately 4,000 Canadians who take their own life every year, about 75 per cent are men. It adds an alarming number of those between the age of 20 and 30.  There are also troubling statistics for men between the age of 40 and 60.

In 2020, a tragic story surfaced out of Medicine Hat, Alberta.  

As many as seven young men from the same social circle had committed suicide. While the world was grappling with the COVID-19 pandemic, the city in southeast Alberta was struggling with losses they did not understand. 

At their funerals, friends and family came forward and talked about how they were feeling, the importance of conversation, and that it is not weak to reach out for help.    

Promoting conversation 

Of the many global initiatives to increase awareness about the importance of mental health, two immediately jump to mind. 

Movember — This initiative has funded more than 1,250 men’s health projects since 2003, including mental health awareness and suicide prevention worldwide.

Boys Get Sad Too — This UK-based clothing brand actively promotes men’s mental health. It was launched in 2018 after realizing that 84 men were taking their own lives every week. They donate ten per cent of their profits annually to CALM (The Campaign Against Living Miserably) to raise awareness of men's struggles.

Because of initiatives like this, men are starting to have conversations.  

A bright outlook for the future

The situation has improved a lot since 2011. As we mark Men’s Mental Health Day on June 15, we all need to take a few minutes to check in on ourselves and those around us and ask everyone how they are doing. 

My journey to better health is still ongoing; I still battle loneliness from time to time. However, because I open up to others, including my family, friends and counsellor, I have the tools to manage my depression better.  

It’s okay to be a man and be sad; it’s okay to open up because those around you care.

If you feel down, make sure to reach out. We are here for you. 

If you are in a crisis, call the SOS 24/7 Crisis Line at 780-743-HELP (4357).

To book counselling, click here.

You are not alone. 

Craig Lester is a content writer for MLC & Co. and was raised in rural Alberta. He is a big believer in the power of sharing personal stories to help elevate important conversations around topics like men’s mental health.